I'm Jealous!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Since I started working here in the province, I haven't been home lately. Plus the fact that I'm 33 weeks pregnant, makes traveling back and forth difficult. At first I didn't see anything wrong with it. Hubby was there so I thought everything will be fine. Or so I thought.

I noticed my daughter becoming more and more afraid of me. Every time I get mad, she doesn't take the time to make lambing anymore. Before, when she knows that I'm mad, she just says, "mommy... are you Reese Reese (her name)". Now all she keeps saying is, "ayaw mommy... ayaw." She prefers to be with her yaya. Call me a possessive mother all you want but I hate hearing it. Sure her yaya keeps her company most of the time while I work and do my own stuff. And my mom used to say that that's how we were when we were little and she was working all the time. I don't know if she felt this way then, but if she did, I understand her now and I understand what's  going on inside my daughter's head. 

But the jealous feeling isn't going away soon. It's okay to have my own "ME" time which I have been craving for the longest time. But if my daughter doesn't wanna come near me when I get mad, I'd rather not have my own "ME" time at all. I may be becoming a lioness with this pregnancy progressing more and more.

It boils down to having a strategy. She usually gets upset in the evening. But when morning comes, she's like, "mommy, mommy, where's mommy yaya? sama mommy." And I do get upset in the evening when I'm tired from work. Are the two of us just tired from the day's activities? Maybe so. Now what do I do? I cannot expect her to make lambing. I'm older so I should make the effort right?!

Starting today, after work should be mommy and kids time. Work should be left at the clinic where it belongs and it should just be play and play and play at home. Let's see if this would work.