What I learned with my 100 Happy Days

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

life is full of shit, everybody knows that. if you do not learn how to look at it in a different perspective, you'll lose yourself in it. by merely appreciating the small things, I began to realize that even in the most unexpected events, there are still things to be thankful for and be glad that I was able to pass through life.

i am thankful for the experience, the learnings, the people that I now call friends. without them, i don't know how I'd be able to surpass the challenges. and it made me realize how important family is.

therefore I say, enjoy life, find things to be grateful for no matter how small it is, be kind to everyone even your enemies, say thank you all the time and i mean all te time, say sorry like you really mean it even when it's not really your fault. watch and be amaze how life changing it is.

No. 100 of 100 Happy Days

Monday, October 27, 2014

Wowo bought the kids new toys. And I have been wondering what the big fuss was with the new toy so we tried our hands on it and we finally finished the whole puzzle. The kids had so much fun until the puzzle had to come down. Tomorrow again. 

No. 99 of 100 Happy Days

I was able to attend the Southern Mindanao Regional Assembly of the Philippine Medical Association. It was nice to see some familiar faces and get to know the PMA in a more legislative manner. 

Looking forward to finalizing the davao Occidental chapter. 

No. 98 of 100 Happy Days

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Pritong saging to solve my cravings. 

Au revoir my child

It has been a week since I got out of the hospital. It wasn't a pleasant experience, then again, is any hospital stay pleasant? Ever since I was young I knew I wanted a big family, 6 or 12 kids perhaps. But when I had hypermesis with the first one, I knew I wouldn't reach 6 kids. Then I got pregnant with our second child and hyperemesis struck again. When I had 2 girls in succession, I told my husband, the next one would be the last, boy or girl, that would be my last draw. Needless to say, I had hyperemesis in all 3 kids and delivered them all by C-section. The last one was with BTL (bilateral tubal ligation). I knew another bout of hyperemesis and I couldn't take it.

For three years, I breastfed my youngest, a boy. Frustrated from previous experience with breastfeeding, I vowed to perfect my last chance at this expereience. Also, I was ensured of not conceiving by breastfeeding him. From the time they tied my tubes, I had the feeling I would probably get pregnant again, but I didn't know how, until...

About 2 weeks ago, I have had bouts of left lower quadrant pain. It disappears but comes again a day or two after. I didn't want to be confined again, remembering how painful the IV insertions were, I kept refusing hospitalization. We went for an ultrasound of the whole abdomen but the only thing they could find were incidental findings of intramural fibroids (a small myoma). By this time, it was only tender when they touch my hypogastric area (lower abdomen). So I went on with my business, went to a party and visited my in-laws.

But on a Tuesday morning, I could not refuse my husband when he demanded I go to the hospital. For several months I did pregnancy tests everytime my menstruation was delayed for 3-5 days, and every tests said negative. It was only at this month when I didn't take a pregnancy test owing to the fact that I was tryng on this fad diet which had hcg hormone in it. So I initially assumed that maybe it has something to do with that but never had I imagined that it would be "the" time, what I have always suspected.

Initially, CT scan showed that I was probably having some sort of intestinal problem and was treated with antibiotics. But when the official CT scan result came out, it said otherwise. I had to undergo another ultrasound and a few more lab works before they confirmed it was ruptured ectopic pregnancy, and they immediately scheduled a 6pm operation. 

*photo from www.soc.usb.edu. I wanted to spare you the gruesome pictures so instead I'm showing you this.

For days, I was in denial that I was pregnant despite undergoing BTL. I knew that I was going to be pregnant again, I just didn't know how. I've asked my husband repeatedly if it was all a dream or that if everything did really happen.I kept asking how it looked liked or how big my wound was. It was only after a day did I realize that I have asked him the same questions repeatedly. He protested I was asking the same questions countless times. When my anesthesiologist saw me in my room, he told me that even sedated, I asked if they could save my child. And I have spent a few more days crying over the loss of my child. Medical definitions would tell you that an abortion is different from an ectopic pregnancy. But to a mother, it is all the same. I lost a child and however which way it happened, it is still the same. I did not talk about this during the first few days because I knew how sentimental I could be. I wanted to see if I would still feel the same if I allowed time to run its course. Guess what, I still feel sad losing my chid.

Everybody has been saying "sayang". If there was someone who felt more devastated, it would be me. What helps me to get throught the day is remembering what my dear friend told me that God did not take the child from me, it was never mine, it was Jesus'. I'm holding on to that and everything seems to feel better. And I was told that I have so many blessings coming my way, I have so much work in my hand, and I would tell them, "I'd rather have that child than all the work I have now." Would it have been a boy?... or a gir?... I will never know. I just know that my child is up there with my mother. Ma take care of my child. I will see you both when the time comes.

No. 97 of 100 Happy Days

Friday, October 24, 2014

Being able to go out of the house for the first time after the surgery and be able to eat what i wanted, bring the kids to the mall and just watch them eat and enjoy their food, these are things that I'm surely thankful of. No photos this time. Just savoring the events and how my day went. 

Hearing hubby arrive safely in Cebu despite the heavy rains, another reason to be thankful for. 

Thank you Lord, from the bottom of my heart. 

No. 95 of 100 Happy Days

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

So I'm trying to recuperate and I'm trying to be with the kids but at the same trying hard that they don't kick or bump or lie on my stomach is pretty hard. But I like that I'm here with them. 

No. 94 of 100 Happy Days

Monday, October 20, 2014

My little visitor at the hospital during my confinement.

No. 96 of 100 Happy Days

Everyday she makes different arts and crafts and everyday I am amazed at her imagination. She wants to do different things every hour. 

No. 93 of 100 Happy Days

Sunday, October 12, 2014

She likes taho so much. 

No. 91 of 100 Happy Days

Friday, October 10, 2014

Thank you Lord God for giving me another year, to have spent my birthday with people who meant a lot to me and for making me wiser and loving. I wish my mother was there to have seen the place. Thank you Bradley and Jean for allowing us to use your place.This was taken at Tubalan Cove. Everyone had a great time.

And of course, thank you pi for my gift. mwah

No. 92 of 100 Happy Days

Papa's 58th birthday.  Thank you to all those who came. 

No. 90 of 100 Happy Days

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Orientation of Emerging and Re-emerging Diseases at Royal Mandaya Hotel.

No. 89 of 100 Happy Days

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Great to see mama's friends again. Thank you mga titas for visiting mama.

Mama's BFFs.

With tita Arlene Bruland.

No. 88 of 100 Happy Days

Friday, October 3, 2014

Bought this from Alunsina Handbound Books. They have an Instagram account. This is very handy because of it's compact size. It's made of pure leather.

A photo of the creator is included in all it's items.

I had my initial stamped.

And of course, to show that this is my property :)