Missing you terribly

I love taking photographs. I've been looking at my collections and wonder why I didn't have much of mama's last few months. I have a few of them. Only a few. Maybe I didn't like seeing her sick and don't wanna remember her sick. But As I was browsing, I wish I had taken more of them. I guess I miss her so so much. 

Everyday as I walk around the house I'd ask myself what she'd be talking about. We used to have this conversation about plants, how she'd put things, how she'd arrange them. I would remember her calling everyone to clean areas around the house. 

I think about mama's purpose in life. I was told that maybe her purpose was to make sure we were all doing okay. But I say I don't need much. I need her more than what she left us. 

Whenever I pass by her photo or visit her grave, I always tell her, "Ma I'm here, how are you? I miss you." And everytime I'd imagine her saying , I'm okay, how's everybody?" And then I'd say, "everybody is doing fine, we're all here and wish you were here with us too." 

It's been two months and it feels like it was just yesterday. I don't think I'm gonna be okay without her. I can deal with it sooner or later. I love you mama. I miss you terribly.