Stay Strong Mama

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

It has been a week full of emotional roller coaster rides. You know when people say, "It's all up to you Lord" that doesn't really mean people just stop hoping. But sometimes when you're emotionally, physically, mentally tired, you just leave everything up to HIM. 

Ever since mom was diagnosed with cancer, I've cried the hardest. I always see her as the strong-willed person who loves to laugh, and eat and have fun and still finds a way to smile even when the world is against her. 

I tell you she is really strong-willed. After her first set of chemo in China, doctors were amazed that she barely had vomiting and dizziness. 

When she got back to Davao, she went to get her nails and hair fixed. And the first set consisted of two rounds of chemo at different intervals. 

The second time she went for chemo, she stayed there for more than a month. The first and second week after she got back, she was weak and barely touched her food. But the week after, she regained her strength and was eating her food. The second set consisted of 2 rounds of chemo with immunotherapy and cryotherapy.

The third time she left she stayed for less than a month with 1 round of transarterial chemo and other forms of chemo.

The fourth time she left she stayed for just a week. But for me it was the start of what was about to come.

Mom was already in and out of the hospital in between her stays here in Davao. Be it for blood transfusion or albumin therapy, I've seen how she was from so weak, barely gets out of bed to being out of bed all day doing her cross stitch. It was a pattern I was beginning to get accustomed.

The ordeal started when she finished her last round of transarterial chemo. Before their scheduled flight back here in Davao, she had, as I was told, chills and high grade fever. They didn't think they'd be able to make the scheduled flight. Thank God her fever subsided. However, they didn't make their scheduled arrival. When they were nearing Philippines, they were sent back to China due to heavy rains and then upon arriving China, they were again flown back to the Philippines all in one day. Imagine the stress mom had to endure. They had to reschedule their flight back to Davao the next day.

When she arrived home, she was weak, she was sleeping most of the time, crying in pain. She was taking oral chemo drugs that I wish I wasn't the one giving her those but I had to to complete her treatment. She still had chills and high grade fever. All the while thinking it was due to oral meds, initial blood count was taken 3 days from the onset of fever. Besides the decreased hemoglobin and decreased platelet which was expected, everything else was normal. But she was not getting any better.

The next day we just had to bring her to the hospital. She was weak, barely able to get inside the car, slept in the car. At the ER her BP was low and to think she was hypertensive. I was starting to worry. While in her room, she was barely awake, slept most of the time, creatinine was high. Repeat count showed elevated WBC. And her BP wasn't getting any better.  In fact it was getting lower. That's when I though I was going to lose my mom... My 55-year-old very active, full of life,strong-willed mom. Blood culture done, antibiotics started, norepinephrine initiated. Now it was just a matter of waiting for the drugs to do their magic. 

It was like all my energy was sucked out of me. Got home at 12 midnight. The next day I was still drained from the event the day before. My only outlet for times like that was to cry... Thank God for a loving, selfless husband who offered his shoulder, arm and ear.

To cut the story short, mom made it through the night. As of this post, norepinephrine was discontinued. Her BP is normal. Initial consideration is Sepsis. Although we are still not out of the woods, I'm praying to God that she gets better soon. We promised her a vacation after she finished her treatment. Something I know she's looking forward to.

I would like to thank you all for the prayers you have offered, is offering and is thinking of offering a prayer for her. It is highly appreciated.

Glinard, dad, pi, loves... Thank you for the unending support, love and care, not only for me, the kids, but also to mama. You have been the instrument to her treatment from start to finish, or on the way to finish line. 

Oh and by the way, I have long surrendered to God's will. We always tell each other and even to mama that God is her ultimate doctor. Her doctor in China, her doctors here in Davao and even us are just instruments of God. 

What good came up with this experience is that we learned to trust God, we learned to surrender to His will, especially my mom.